Have we been misled?

Have television, fashion magazines, and MTV help instill us with the wrong criteria for a mate and ourselves?

Breakdowns and break-ups are inescapable, but can we avoid falling into the same traps over and over again?

Someone once told me our actions can be written down into a group of patterns. If that’s true, why do we continue to carry out the same patterns over and over even thought we know they haven’t delivered the results we are looking for?

For now, I’ll blame my earlier, misdirected pursuits on the media.

Like a movie about High School social drama, we’re bombarded with images of beauty, money, and style that very few people could possible experience. We start to think what we see is happiness, and that those material images hold the elusive key to finding our contentment (not to mention being admired by others).

We make some money, buy some toys, maybe lose a few pounds in the hopes of getting closer to that image of coolness we saw on some celebrity lifestyle show.  Then we execute our old patterns again, hoping for a better result this time. Most of us explain away our next relationship ending by saying he was a jerk or she was nuts.

In my Early Twenties, I listed characteristics I wanted in a girl who I thought could make me happy. It sounds so silly now, but at the time what I wanted in a girl was:

• An independently wealthy Supermodel
• A Gourmet cook
• Someone with Bi-sexual inclinations

To some people, it might sound like I had it pretty much covered at the time. Today, I think my list not only showed how immature I was, but it also violated part of my current list, which is: Don’t Date of your League ….but we’ll get to that shortly.

As I “matured” (or at least got a bit older), I became much more Career-focused. So what I wanted in a woman changed to:

• Smart
• Sexy
• Career-driven
• Great income potential

As if I was on my way to becoming Forbes New Power Couple of the Year (hopefully I don’t seem as delusional now as I occurred to others back then). Needless to say, those relationships didn’t deliver the unconditional love and affection I was hoping for, and needed.

Then a female friend pointed out I was pursuing an Image, and not a friend or even a real woman.

We all know people who believe happiness exists just around the corner in a Porsche, Breast Augmentation, those last five pounds, a few inches of height, a bigger boat, or a more expensive handbag.  If we had those things then we could get the person we want and deserve.

But it sounds to me like they’re falling for Images, just like I used to do.  It also seems as though they’re trying to live up to the images they think other people are looking for, too.

I guess it seems so easy to fix the tangibles – the stuff we can see.  Not to mention we can fix all the ones I mentioned with a little money.

Today, my list of what I think is important in a great partner just has three simple items (by the way, none of them can be purchased):

• We have to be attracted to each other
  • I also want someone I’m compatible with on all levels. I don’t think you can be truly happy if you have the money and looks of Aristotle Onassis, and are married to a Perfect 10 Model.
    • (Money and looks are just two examples of potential inequities, and can leave people feeling insecure and jealous)
• Great Communication
  • So many of problems are because of poor communication.  If we can communicate effectively, almost anything can be worked out.
• Someone who’ll be cool in difficult times
  • Challenges are inevitable in life. You need someone you can trust to stay supportive and work through it with you. Together.

In my opinion, if you’re Hot for each other, can talk through any problem and know you have someone who’ll stick with you through all of life’s BS, you should do really well together…. if you both have a desire to make it work with each other, you’ll most likely have a great relationship.

And all without plastic surgery, an expensive car or a huge mortgage.

Besides….as cool as getting new stuff is, Material things really don’t make anyone truly happy.  Not really.

The author, Steve, is a 40 year old successful Entrepreneur who lives in the northeast with his wife of seven years and two beautiful children.  Steve is an amateur Triathlete who also believes he has a fantastic sense of humor, although this last part is still up for public debate.