Should you get involved with a Married man or woman?
Most people agree finding the right man or woman can be more difficult than winning one of those gigantic stuffed animals in a game at a County Fair.
Since it can be such a challenge, sometimes people stray into territory they thought they’d never consider and get involved with someone Married.
Is it a good idea? What if you’re not looking for serious relationship just yet? How about if they told you they’re going to File for Divorce….soon?
There are lots of rationalations people make when they want to date a Married person (keep in mind, I use the term “dating” very loosely). Sometimes people say:
“There’s no nice women out there” ……”All the good men are taken or already have boyfriends.”
Yes, I know it can be difficult to meet someone you want to be involved with past the First date. However, let’s be honest for a minute….getting involved with someone who’s Married will only make it that much harder for you to meet someone of your own.
If some of your needs are already being met by one person, what impetus to you possibly have to go out and get your own Full Time partner?
Dating a Married person is like eating a very large snack before going out to Dinner. You may not be completely satisfied or full from that bag of Chips but you’re also not really driven to eat an entire Dinner anymore.
And what if they say they’re “Getting Divorced soon, they just haven’t Filed yet”? So let me get this straight — they’re asking you to put your life on Hold until they muster up the nerve to take action? Meanwhile, their life doesn’t change at all?
Asking you to wait until they’re finally ready to File is ridiculous….why would they ask this of someone they supposedly care about. Please just walk away. Fast.
Besides, what I’ve generally seen happen is they never really seem to File for Divorce. There’s always some extraneous reason why they “can’t do it right now” (“It’s not a good time for the kids”, “My husband’s mother is in the Hospital”, “They’re having big layoffs at work right now”, etc…).
Trust me - if they actually want to leave their Husband or Wife, they’ll make it happen quickly, whether you’re around or not. You’re much better off working on yourself and your own life instead of sitting around alone and miserable New Years Eve, hoping they get around to Filing by Springtime.
Do yourself a favor and stay a little lonely for a little while. You’ll be much more satisfied and happy when you have someone of your own.
Someone who can actually spend the night, see you on Major Holidays and where you don’t have to worry if you’re being followed by a Private Investigator….’cause yeah, that’s always fun.
(And if they do actually file and move out, date them then….but only after they’ve finally taken some sort of action)
Besides – don’t forget you have a much better chance of scoring that big stuffed animal at The Fair if you’re Emotionally Available. Otherwise, you may just end up getting another crummy Goldfish in a ziploc bag you have to flush 24 hours later.
A married person sounds perfect for an infrequent afternoon romp, if that’s all someone wants….
Well, that’s true…if someone is looking for a physical relationship without any possibility for more, then being with someone who’s married would fit that bill.
Unfortunately, most people (not all, of course) get a tiny bit emotionally attached, which can cause complications in a “no strings attached” relationship…..because isn’t there often one unexpected, random string?
Even if just from one side, that loose string can make things messy….
totally agree. Being lonely and not being able to find the “perfect” guy is NOT a reason to date a married person! What’s more, the fact that he/she IS married already says they are not perfect for YOU!
Sophia – I’m with you….I understand how and why it happens, but it’s as easy way out (at least initially)…they’re not challenging themselves into having a real relationship, and relationships definitely CAN be challenging!
They’re also not proving to themselves they’re strong enough to be alone for a while and wait for someone who’s actually available.
Oh, Ann…did you ever hit the nail on the head with this one: “Do yourself a favor and stay a little lonely for a little while. You’ll be much more satisfied and happy when you have someone of your own.”
EXCELLENT post. You know, even the patron saint of bachelor girls, Helen Gurley Brown, argues that relationships with married people are mutually beneficial, but I think that’s a load of morally reprehensible crap. And furthermore, as you so eloquently pointed out here, it’s impractical! Who wants to spend every weekend and holiday alone while he/she tries (unsuccessfully) to work up the nerve to leave him/her?
And as for “romps,” well, I addressed those here: http://www.bachelorgirl.net/?p=169
Great analogy with the goldfish, btw
My favorite line while I was travelling that I got from the married man was, “The marriage is over, we’re living separate lives. It’s been over for a long time.” Really? Does she know this? Can I call and confirm this with her as well?
I sadly have some experience here and at the end of the day the women that mess with married men, 1) like the attention and 2) the challenge of it: I will win him from someone else. I will win!
Kelly – OMG, your Post was FANTASTIC on this topic. Very honest, insightful, and funny, too. I literally laughed out loud with your explanations of the names “Dick” and “Hortence”!
I’m definitely sorry you had to go through something like that with your Ex husband…the only “good” news is things ended relatively early. I know it doesn’t sound like much (that’s what everyone said to me when I filed for Divorce after only 1 1/2 years), but I agree now…..
This way things ended when I was young enough to still “start over” (although you really can start over at ANY age), but it’s really when I still felt “young”.
Also, I was happy, in a twisted way, I hadn’t given my Ex ten years of my life before finding out the truth.
Hopefully that all makes sense…..
And by the way, you may not have a future in Children’s Fairy Tales (VERY funny line!), but you do a great job with Grown Up Fairy Tales!
Gretchen – I totally agree…it’s amazing how some people think they’re “winning” something away from another person, sometimes even more so if his wife (or her husband) is better looking (or more successful, in the case of the other man)
And I love the question, “Can I call her and confirm this?”….So true!
Do you remember the line in “About Last Night” when one friend said to the other “would you put up with a dog that came home 2 nights a week? (at least I think that’s how it goes) Why would anyone want to put up with someone who has to hide and sneak around? If you have to keep your relationship a secret from the ones who love you then it’s just wrong! Why anyone would want to “date” someone who is married is also mind boggling. If he (or she) is cheating on his (or her) spouse they will most certainly do it to you! You are just setting yourself up for failure. Should you get involves with a married person? HELL NO!!!!
Now if you could figure out why some of us gals attract those married guys lookin for a romp, I’d love to hear it. I’ve never gone there but they’re attracted to me like flies on sh!t. Go AWAY!!!
Rebekah – I know what you mean….I think some of it may have to do with the Industry some women work in.
If it happens to be male-dominated (technology, finance, etc.), the percentage of women to men is pretty skewed. Since we come in contact with work people more than anyone else, and we’re on our best behavior (plus looking cute and dressed nicely) it sets the stage for men falling for the few women they work with, or at least the “idea” of those women (well-paid, funny, smart….).
Kathy – I totally agree! If someone cheats on their husband or wife with you, chances are pretty good they’ll do the same thing to you.
(and I love About Last Night! Just watched it a few weeks ago for the first time in years
)