Does Porn have a place in romantic relationships?
With Jenna Jameson a household name, the Internet a smorgasbord of any X-rated image you can possibly imagine (and some you can’t…or don’t want to), and Tracy Lords having made her way into mainstream movies, Pornography has become a small part of our everyday lives.
But should Porn have any place in romantic relationships?
Lots of couples watch X-rated movies to get things heated up….sort of like an Electronic Fluffer. This can certainly be a good thing, especially with everyone so busy and tired from long days, a little “boost” isn’t such a bad idea.
People also use Porn to live out fantasies they don’t want to actually engage in with their significant other. And if we’re being honest, this does seem like a better option than suggesting a Ménage à trois with your husband and his brother….Holidays might never quite be the same after that little encounter.
If a benefit of pornography is getting our engines revved-up when we feel more like sitting in Neutral than hitting the accelerator, what are some of the potential Negatives?
Some people can become addicted to Porn, and are no longer able to get excited by people in real life. Although that does occur, luckily, that’s a very small segment of the population.
Another potential issue with watching Porn is the possibility of insecurity.
Sometimes men and women feel insecure when comparing themselves to people on screen. Watching most every guy walk around with thirteen inch you-know-whats might start to skew what seems normal, and possibly worry men that’s what’s required to please women. (trust me, that’s not what most women want…not unless it’s a 7′ 1″ woman)
Women certainly aren’t immune to thoughts of self-doubt…they might feel intimidated when they see women portrayed by 95lb girls with Triple E hoo-hoos — a look which rarely exists in nature. Well, unless you consider a Plastic Surgeon’s office “Nature”.
In my opinion, pornography can have a positive place in a relationship….as long as couples watch it together, use it to get things heated up, both agree on what movies to watch, use it to virtually fulfill fantasies and don’t put any unrealistic, undue pressure on the person they’re with to look or act like people in the movies.
(yes – asking your husband to get an 4″ extension on The Family Jewels or suggesting your wife get Double G flotation devices stuffed in her chest both count as “undue pressure”).
Whenever feelings of inadequacy hit, men and women need to remember most people in those movies have either been surgically enhanced multiple times, or are so far away from the norm no real person has any cause to feel deficient.
That in mind, the chances of your partner wishing you looked more like someone in ‘Pulp Friction’ are pretty small. I’m sure they’re really just happy to have you join in the fun and get a little frisky with after the movie….
Or more specifically, after you both watch fifteen minutes of awkward dialogue and unrealistic plot lines. I mean, how many Pizza Delivery guys really get that lucky?
Footnote: One important piece to an X-rated move working in your relationship is BOTH of you have to be into the idea. If a girlfriend forces the idea on her boyfriend, or if your wife is uncomfortable with a movie but you still insist on watching it together, this could be a bad thing and has the potential of leading to resentment and hurt feelings. And last time I checked, neither of those are so great.
no no no, no porn! I’ll feel REALLY weird watching somebody else have sex with my significant other JUST before having our own…I’ll be too busy wondering if he is thinking of ME or the girl in the porn show!
Sophia – I absolutely know where you’re coming from…I had the same thought one time before a few years ago with an ex boyfriend.
However, I do know couples who really like it once in a while…
My opinion is everyone is SO different with their likes/dislikes, and I think people should go with whatever they’re comfortable with, they agree on with their partner, etc.
So if X-rated movies work for some couples, cool. If they don’t for others, then that just means other stuff floats their boat….kind of a “to each their own” way of thinking
(again, just my opinion!)
One other hazard of porn-viewing: the hilarity of it can sometimes ruin the mood.
An ex and I were, um, you know, like, watching porn and what-have-you, when we realized, at roughly the same time, that all the “sex” parts (as opposed to the “dialogue” parts) were on a loop. So we started predicting, out loud, what the girl would do next: “Hand to the face…finger in the mouth…moan…moan again…fondle own breasts…”
Bad: The mood was ruined by the fact that, by the time the scene changed, we were laughing so hard we couldn’t breathe.
Good: Even though we’ve been broken up for several years now, we can still email each other out of the blue with “Hand to the face…” and crack each other up.
LOL — That’s a great story! Very funny stuff.
But wait, I’m shocked – you mean they don’t spend a fortune on Production, Lighting, Editing, etc?
I’m not so into porn that I like to watch it regularly, but once in a while is definitely okay in an effort to do something different and fun!
Jackie – I totally know where you’re coming from. When you’ve been with someone for a decent period of time, mixing things up a bit now and then is always a good idea….keeps things from getting stale.
I agree. And watching (from a girl’s perspective) only makes me thankful that my boyfriend *doesn’t* look or act like a porn star.
Rachel – I agree! I wouldn’t want my boyfriend to look like most of the Porn Stars out there, either!
The pornos out there are really made for men and I’d probably watch more of them if they were made for women. No, not the cheesy romance novel crap, but something directed BY women FOR women.
When I was in England I watched a news type show on TV about a women who was directing pornos for women and the excerpts they showed on TV (they pretty much showed everything – body parts, sex, etc – which was pretty interesting) were really hot and not cheesy at all. There was one with two girls stuck in a tree and two gorgeous firemen had to rescue them (and then of course have their way with them.) If you ask me that’s way better than a pizza delivery man!
And that’s another thing…why are the guys in pornos so vile looking!? If they were a bit better looking and didn’t have cheesy mustaches more women would probably watch and enjoy them!
IPA – It’s true…a lot of the Porn out there is made for men. I did see something on MSNBC about the new influx of movies being made with women in mind (made by women, too!).
I’m not sure if these movies are any good, but here’s a Site with some more female-friendly X-rated movies:
http://www.pornmoviesforwomen.com/pornmoviesforwomen.htm
Hope you enjoy them!
My hubby and I like to watch porn every once in a while just to mix it up. You know when you’re having a let’s-be-naughty night after a couple of bottles of wine.
I think the key as everything in life-moderation! I do know THREE guys who are letting it ruin relationships they are in because they’re close to being addicted. WOW is what I say to that. Keep it seldom, keep it fun. Oh and BTW, thanks for the female-friendly link Ann!
I’m a bit confused as to what happens in a porn made for women. I have some rather sarcastic ideas I will keep to myself. It still begs the question what would a porno made for a woman have that has no place in male porno. I can’t help but to think that it’s much like shopping where ladies might want to take forever to find the “perfect outfit” while most men pounce on a pair of jeans and shirt. Men want the nitty gritty while ladies appreciate the journey.
IMO porn much like any other “marital aid” can have a place as long as both parties are into it. People should be careful about how much mixing up they do lest they have to keep taking it to another level to get off. Before you know it you will have to involve Brillo Pads and bottle rockets…
Gretchen – Mixing it up is definitely a good thing!
That’s a shame people are ruining relationships because of their addiction….just awful.
And I think it’d be nice to see some Porn made by and for women — no more ugly dudes in porn! Yay!
Travis – I also think Porn should just be the proverbial icing on the cake, definitely not the entire cake itself. I agree with your point…all occasional “aides” are fantastic, as long as their just that — occasional.
Of course, I’m sure there’s plenty of people who’d disagree, so that’s just my opinion.
I’m not sure what Porn for and by women is like except that I’m pretty positive the guys will be much better looking.
I think women are sick of seeing an ugly or average guy get it on with a totally hot chick. 