A Guy’s Opinion: Why do men look at other Women?
You might be on a first date, out with your boyfriend or husband, or just hanging with your male friend when you notice him ogling another woman. His behavior may seem wrong in so many ways that you’re not sure if you can actually count them all.
As you’re watching him stare, your head may be filling with thoughts of anger and self-doubt. Or you may be thinking “Doesn’t he know who how rude this is?”And you mean rude to you as much as you mean rude to the woman he’s staring at.
Why is he doing this, and what does it mean? Does he know it’s impolite?
I’m tempted to say it doesn’t mean anything to your man (that may be a gross generalization) ….men will stare at nice cars, boats, or pretty girls without any regard to how their gawking may look to those around him.
It’s universally accepted men are more visually stimulated then women.
If you’re consistently catching your man staring at other women, you may want him to know how it makes you feel, as well as how it looks to others when they see him staring like a dog eyeing a fire truck driving down the street.
Just because your guy isn’t as subtle as you are when looking at other people, I don’t believe his primitive, adolescent gawking is necessarily indicative of unscrupulous behavior.
Besides telling you men are wired that way and you shouldn’t let it concern you, I’d suggest you also consider most men don’t know their behavior could be considered offensive to anyone.
Personally, I didn’t have any idea how this behavior came across to women until I moved to Tribeca in New York City. <em>It was then I felt the discomfort of men staring at me. Until then, I didn’t realize how men’s obvious behavior occurred to women.
I’ve also been on a few dates where the woman I was with checked out other men in front of me. Again, I became aware of the consequences of a behavior which I once indulged in because I thought it went unnoticed or was innocuous.
If your guy is doing this in front of you and it’s making you uncomfortable, I suggest you mention to him how his actions make you feel. If he still doesn’t see why his behavior bothers you, then you may want to gawk at a few men in front of him.
Your looking at other men may help give him a little awareness. After a while, you may want<em> to point out why you were staring – you don’t want him to think you now both have free reign to ogle anyone you please.</em>
So my opinion is to speak with your guy about how his behavior makes you feel, plus make a point to literally show him how it feels when the person you care about stares at others. Hopefully this should help him understand where you’re coming from when you say it bothers you.
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The author, Steve, is a 40 year old successful Entrepreneur who lives in the northeast with his wife of seven years and two beautiful children. Steve is an amateur Triathlete who also believes he has a fantastic sense of humor, although this last part is still up for public debate.
I think this is good advice period. Good post.
I would always hold my significant other responsible for how her actions make me feel. I think post this conversation you have every right to react in a way that reflects how you feel. The “offending party” has been warned in advance. You get one or two passes before it’s time to have a really lengthy conversation. I have had to have that conversation about shopping. I have a shopping agenda. She has a shopping desire. Two very different approaches to commerce.
I look at PEOPLE. Although I tend to appraise ladies and observe men. I will turn my head to men when I notice something peculiar. I will look at ladies because well… I’m just subconsciously piggish. I have trained myself to not do this in front of my lady. It’s rather difficult when you live in Southern California.
Our visual stimulation manifests itself in our love for cars, computers, explosions and ahem… video. I agree it doesn’t mean we want to engage. It does mean we enjoy the escape from the norm (no matter how minute the change).
Hm. Truthfully, women look at men just as much as men do women too!
Travis – I completely agree…once someone knows something bothers you and they continue to do it, I feel that’s a sign of disrespect….that’s not okay, in my opinion.
Sophia – Yep, women definitely look at men just as much! I think the main difference is women are MUCH more slick and subtle about it, while men can be sooooo obvious sometimes.
I think this article is great…it drives me crazy when my boyfriend looks at other women in front of me. It’s so rude!
Jackie – I know what you mean…I think it’s totally rude, too!
Travis makes a good point…visually stimulated people, both men and women, look at EVERYTHING. I’ve had one or two boyfriends who accused me of scoping out guys when, really, I was just people-watching. But it’s pretty easy to sort all that out IF you have an honest conversation with your partner about the troubling behavior.
I think it is extremely rude and insensitive for a man to obviously ogle other women in front of their woman. Women are already self-conscious about themselves and have a lot of self-doubt so ogling other women just makes it worse. I would never ogle or look at another man in front of my man. That is so disrespectful. If you’ve spoken to your man about how it makes you feel and he still does it, then obviously he doesn’t give a crap about your feelings and it would be best to move on to a man that has respect for you and your feelings.
I feel really sad and lonely over my bf (in his 50s) who, in my opinion, constantly ogles other women, including my female friends and he’s even openly flirted with some of them in front of me. The problem is that we’ve never had a decent conversation about this (we’ve been seeing each other for over a year) as he goes ballistic whenever I try to talk to him about it.
This didn’t start as an issue of insecurity – I feel very happy and confident with myself – but it’s beginning to seem this way to him as I’m now constantly looking for it. For me, it’s a question of respect. If I’m the love of his life as he says, why does he feel the need to do this in front of me. I’m getting to the point where I don’t want to go out in public with him. He says that he’s not doing it, he’s not aware of doing it and has basically accused me of having a serious jealousy problem.
The thing is that I love him but I’m not sure what to do, it’s hard to reach a compromise when he won’t even entertain the idea that he might be doing it.
This has become a big issue, far bigger than it needed to be and I feel that we’re destroying each other over it. Fights are becoming regular.
Any serious tips on how we can begin to talk about it and any possible solutions, especially from men would be a big help.