Seven things men want in a relationship
A few weeks ago, a single friend asked me what I thought men are looking for in relationships. She wanted to know if all we want is sex and a beautiful woman.
Men are much deeper than you might think when it comes to what we want in relationships. Granted, if what a guy’s looking for is something very short term, the list is pretty basic (good looking and available). However, when a man wants something real and lasting, the list changes quite a bit, just like I’m sure it does for women.
So what most men want, and need, in a relationship are the following things:
1. Someone we can Trust – Life is stressful, and you need to know she’ll be there to lean on once in a while.
2. Love - Despite what some women believe, men really are looking to fall in love and to be loved.
3. A woman we find Attractive – She doesn’t have to be perfect, but she does need to be attractive enough to turn us on.
4. Emotional Stability – A woman can’t go off and have tantrums all the time. It makes us think she’s a bit crazy and unstable.
5. Appreciation – Men like to feel you notice and appreciate things we do, especially the ones we do for you. Men like to hear compliments sometimes, too, and the word ‘appreciate’ goes a really long way with guys.
6. Great Sex – This doesn’t mean swinging off the proverbial chandeliers, but you can’t have a long-term relationship without things being good in the bedroom.
7. Someone fun and with a good sense of humor – Some people can be so nit-picky about tiny things that it just drains the fun out of situations. We want someone we can laugh with and who likes at least some the fun stuff we like to do.
When it comes right down to it, men and women are looking for a lot of the same things when it comes to a romantic relationship — we want a stable partner we’re attracted to, a person who can make us happy, and someone who we can make happy, too.
If men have the seven things listed above in a dating situation, chances are good we’re with a woman we want to be with for a long time.
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Vince is an Enterprise Architect for an Global airline in New York, and has a degree in Computer Science. He works out six days a week, and completed his first half Marathon last year. Vince currently lives in Connecticut with his fabulous girlfriend, and their two awesome, adopted dogs.
Sounds like I really need to work on the “tantrum” thing…
I agree with this list. So many times women think we want something so different from what they do and get defensive, but we all want genuine love and companionship.
A rare tantrum under exceptional circumstances isn’t a problem. If it feels like a bad pattern has been established though, I chalk it up to a personality fault. The point of pattern recognition is really just the guy’s subjective variable. I think I’m pretty intolerant and pick up that pattern after just a few tantrums.
My husband told me a long time ago about the “Appreciation” part and how much he *needs* to hear and feel that from me, and he’s told me that I do a good job in that department. I think it’s really interesting that that is one of your top 7 – I had never heard a man state it until he did. I guess it’s common for guys to want to make sure they’re not going to be taken for granted.
Along those lines, I think it’s true in the reverse, too. Women don’t like their significant others to *assume* they’re going to do the dishes or the laundry, and like to hear thanks occasionally for doing them.
Great list!
You forgot food!! Men love some one who can also cook. My husband told me that he was sold after I made him dinner….
let’s face it. Men like someone who can still cook and clean to settle down with. Great sex is also required. Sex is definitely about clean bathrooms on a man’s priority list…..
You should make a list of the top 10 things that men need in priority order.
Food is an interesting one – I actually prefer to do most of the cooking, but have her act as sous-chef. I always want to feel that my cooking is appreciated, and at least that the effort is appreciated when the result sucks.
Well I would like to submit (respectfully Vince) that swinging from the chandeliers is highly encouraged. If you have a woman who’s got that ability by all means….
Great thoughts. I think you’re definitely right. Men and women both want someone who ultimately makes them feel good (both emotionally and physically). Not someone who is always nagging or dragging your down.
My husband and I try to compliment each other in some way every day, even something small like, “thank you for letting me take a break so I could read/exercise (whatever).” Showing appreciation is key, you’re right.
Sense of humor is so important to me. I love that my husband and I can laugh during sex. It shows such a trust and comfort level. Sometimes one of us will quote a random movie line and then just both go into hysterics over it.