Friends Toxic to your relationship

man and woman friends

Some people wonder if it’s acceptable to have friends of the opposite sex when you’re in a relationship.  Frankly, between work and life in general, I think it’s inevitable we’re going to have friends of both sexes, which isn’t necessarily the problem.

From my experience, instead of throwing a “Bad” Label on all friends with different anatomical parts from ourselves, there are other people you should be more concerned with either you or your partner having if you’re looking to keep your relationship happy and successful.

Who are these people you may want to avoid?  Well, I’m thinking you might stop spending time with the following types:

1. The Ex who wants you back - It’s one thing if you’re friends with an Ex who’s genuinely in a happy relationship and isn’t looking for anything more than friendship (yes, it can happen).  However, if she or he is looking to reconcile, this can only lead somewhere bad. Besides – would you want the person you’re with spending time with an ex who’s hot for them?  Didn’t think so….

2. The Undermining Friend – This person can come in many forms, but basically they’re someone who isn’t looking out for your best interest.  If you confide things in them about concerns in your relationship, they’ll always put the worst possible spin on it. If you’re having an issue with your partner, they’ll encourage you to cheat or end the relationship without working on things.

Sometimes you can talk with these friends and they’ll stop wearing the Captain Negativity Hat.  However, if you’ve asked them repeatedly to stop and they still act out, then they’re not only trying to end your relationship, they don’t respect you.

3. The friend with a Crush – When you’re Single, it can be a big ego boost to have a friend around who you know perfectly well has a Big Thing for you.  However, your significant other is going to want to know why you still need this person around (and perhaps you should wonder the same thing).

Also, when you get in a serious relationship the person Crushing on you often doesn’t take it so well, wondering why you’re not dating or marrying them…..which is when they can morph into “The Undermining Friend” or even the next person…..

4. The person who’s unkind to your significant other – Although you shouldn’t make the person you’re with the center of the universe, people who are supposed to be your friends need to respect your relationship and the person you’re with.  If they don’t, it’s your responsibility to do something about it, whether it’s calling your friend out on their behavior (the best first step) or just ending the friendship if their behavior doesn’t improve.

A good friend got Married two years ago to a wonderful guy, but two of her friends were repeatedly rude to him while they were dating.  Out of respect for her (awesome) Husband, she dumped these Frenemies.

Hopefully you don’t have any of these people in your life, although if you do, for the sake of your relationship I strongly recommend taking immediate action.

Of course, if you’re looking for your marriage or dating situation to be filled with strife, jealousy and to end badly, then by all means stay friends with these people….they’ll absolutely help usher in your relationship’s demise.


12 Responses to “Friends Toxic to your relationship”
  1. Cristy says:

    This is such great advice! Unfortunately, a lot of people who have these friends (esp. Your Ex who wants you back and The friend with a Crush) aren’t strong enough to realize they need to sever those relationships. I think insecurity reigns in those situations. So sad. Great post!

  2. Christopher says:

    You definitely can’t have people in your life who want to damage your relationship. You need to get rid of those people for the sake of your marriage or dating relationship.

  3. AnnQ says:

    Cristy – I have to completely agree….when people feel the need to have that constant attention, it makes me wonder why.

    And to be so oblivious (or selfish) not to understand they’re doing it at the expense of their relationship is pretty bad.

  4. AnnQ says:

    Christopher – Very true….relationships often can’t take that kind of pressure without bending, or breaking.

  5. JennyMac says:

    Hi Ann. Luckily, we don’t have this in our marriage. All of the friends we both brought to the relationship both male and female have been positive contributions. I would say we like some more than others…haha..but I am fortunate that we dont have friendship hurdles.

  6. Great tips, Ann! I agree, of course you can be friends with members of the opposite sex! Some of my besties are male friends from college, now they are married, and I’m equally close with most of the wives, etc., it works fine because non fall into the categories above.

  7. These are fantastic tips, Ann. The Undermining Friend can be so sneaky, too. And many times, they try to undermine you in almost every area, not just your romantic relationships!

  8. Travis Williams says:

    It’s been my experience that ladies are really good at undermining. Most guys don’t even realize it. I know I have been a victim of that.

  9. AnnQ says:

    Trust me…men and women are great at undermining when they want to. :-(

  10. Travis Williams says:

    I am just saying I think ladies are better at it. I think ladies are much more adept at being subtle. Men usually take the brute force route and ladies will take time and do real damage. That at least has been my experience.

  11. Dating Diary says:

    I had a also toxic relationship that I ended last year and ending it was a wonderful thing for my relationship.

  12. John B says:

    I have been in a commited relationship for almost 3 years until now. My fiance’ belives that everything you say is either the truth or a lie. I accepted her friend David early on as a sign of respect to her being able to continue that long term “brother-sister” relationship. I found out much later from a sister of my fiance’ that David was very much in love with her and was rejected before I came along.
    It was brought up tonight that my fiance’ thinks I am a liar now because I stated I was on my way across a bridge near home then went back to a store instead. David ran into me at the store then mentioned to her in conversation that I was not where I said I was. Why would he even mention such a small detail like that? I may have turned around to go back before I arrived? I am not exactly sure? But this so-called mutial friend has set her mind to look for any reason to catch any errors and label them as lies if I fail to accuratly state everything correctly. Why would he even mention such a small descrepancy like my exact location on that day?

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