Is two weeks long enough to Date before getting Engaged?
An acquaintance who’d been looking to get married for some time was at a Charity dinner and met a great woman who he felt an immediate chemistry with.
They spent every day and night together going to dinner and getting to know each other, and two weeks after they met, he Proposed. And she said ‘Yes’. They now have a Wedding planned seven months from now, and are both of them are extremely excited.
So this got me thinking — How long should you date before deciding to Marry someone?
My feeling is although every situation is different and some people take less time to get to know than others, short of a shotgun and a really angry father (or a desperate need to stay in the country), I can’t think of a good reason to agree to spend the rest of your life with someone you’ve known for only 14 days.
When I got married several years ago, it was to someone I’d worked with for several years and who I thought I knew extremely well.
We only dated for six months before he proposed, and it was very romantic…in Rome at the bottom of the Spanish Steps….I told everyone I knew although we’d only been together for half a year, it was okay since we already knew each other beforehand.
Needless to say, since I filed for Divorce less than two years into the marriage, it can take a long time to really get to know someone….knowing someone as a friend is different than learning who they are as a partner in a romantic relationship. Very different.
But I digress. My point is it can take quite a bit of time to get to know someone…I mean, really know them.
Chris Rock has a funny quote about dating, “When you start dating someone, you’re not meeting them….you’re meeting their Representative.”
I think that says it perfectly….when we first start dating, we present the very best versions of ourselves.
I’m not saying we lie…well, some people might. But most of us go out of our way to look a little better, keep our places a bit neater, and act just a tad more cool and understanding about things that may annoy the crap out of us.
Again, it’s not lying…it’s just the most awesome version of ourselves. It’s Super You.
To break through and see the man or woman behind the curtain takes time. You want to see them in their downtime, repeatedly. You want to see how they handle extremely stressful situations. You want to get to truly know how they handle money and their careers.
You even want to see who they are when you have a tough situation to go through…will they be there for you and understand your temporary meltdown, or will they run off screaming into the hills?
So although the notion of Love at First Site is a beautiful one, and is most definitely possible, I believe it’s still incredibly important to really and truly know who you’re agreeing to spend forever with….24/7…..for better and for worse….til death do you part….
Because really, it’s better to find out before that ring goes on your finger that the person you think of as the Great and Powerful Oz is really just a short bald dude playing with levers and a microphone.
I’d have to agree with you. You NEED to know the person as well as humanly possible.
Two weeks? You don’t know anything about them at that point other than the fact you both like the same movies, want to keep seeing each other and have fun together.
Yeah, I’d have to say getting to know someone is imperative.
The Chris Rock quote is great! It’s so true! LOL
No goddamned way I’d propose to someone after just two weeks. That’s crazy. The risks are too great. They sound like seriously insecure people.
Some people are just… simpler than others. It wouldn’t take you two weeks to figure out the personality of my dog Molly – you’d understand her in two days. Your understanding of her personality will be accurate for the rest of her life. She’s loveable, but simple. Maybe the people in this store just have smaller souls.
My grandparents did that and actually got married within that two weeks and were married til the day he died… and were *miserable* most of the time. They almost got divorced several times, and both of them had depression issues.
I felt an immediate connection with Tom (on our first date!), but I would not have been prepared to make that decision that early. We did a lot of learning and growing and building before we decided to get married. It was wonderful for us. I’m sure some people are different, but it did us good to get that foundation laid beforehand, and we are VERY happy now (5 1/2 years and counting!).
Vince definitely has a good point, but in general, I’d say it takes a year to two years to know someone well enough to make an informed decision about whether or not you could be married to them forever. Of course, that also depends on individual circumstances; for instance, very busy people who travel a lot and can’t spend much time together may need three or four years, whereas people who spend every day together might only need a year.
Two weeks do not seem like a sufficient time together before proposing. After 4.5 years with my boyfriend, we are still learning new things about each other every day… but at least he has stayed with me through poverty, unemployment, depression etc, and seen my absolutely worst sides. Let’s just say those were not the ones I showed off to him when we first met… but we are still going strong.
Best of luck to your friend – he might need it!
Hmmm, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I think it’s possible to succeed. My husband proposed to me after four months, less time than most. And here we are, 7.5 years and one daughter later. Now it takes a lot of work and we’re not quite the same couple we were back then. But sometimes, I do think you “know” a person with your being and you “know” that person is your mate. I “knew” it even before those four months. What I have accepted a proposal after two weeks? Probably not. But two months, yes. I said yes after four months.
Bachelor Girl — Great point about a person traveling usually making it necessary to up the amount of dating time so you have chance to get to know them.
Couture Cookie – I think it’s great you and your boyfriend have had a chance to see each other not only at your best, but also at your worst (not that I’m happy for any of your tough times! But since we ALL have them, I want to see how someone handles my falling apart before saying I Do).
Mandy – I think you and your husband are a fabulous example of how some people just know
Grrr, I think in this divorce-heavy society, it’s just becoming too easy to “fall in love” and treat marriage so lightly. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, not something you can terminate just because you “fall out of love”. Thus you can’t evaluate a person you’re gonna spend the rest of your life with within 2 weeks!!
There will be stresses, and there will be boredom, true habits will be revealed. Baggage will become evident., sex can become routine. Only a long time brewing makes the marriahe more likely to succeed.
Secretia