Do you reach out for Help when Stressed?
“The Irish is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.” Sigmund Freud
This quote is directly relevant to me, as I was brought up a good Irish girl in Massachusetts (and because I love that scene in The Departed…..but I digress).
I was raised with the understanding making it appear as though everything is all well and good is the ‘right’ way, and to hide anything that doesn’t fall under one of the following categories:
1) sarcasm
2) humor
3) anger
4) happiness
5) sarcasm
(yes, that’s listed twice for a reason….sarcasm is one of the basic food groups for those of us who don’t like to show “weak” emotions).
I haven’t generally been the kind of person to reveal much about my life when it comes to stressful, icky events. Until recently, that is.
About ten years ago I realized pretending everything is always just perfect and being a constant wise-ass is a sure fire way to go through life without anyone ever really knowing you. Which is when I started opening up to people close to me about who I truly am, and what’s really going on in my life.
Okay, I’m still a huge believer in sarcasm, but I like to think that’s one of my best qualities. 
Anyhow, Freud’s famous quote is about how the Irish are stereotypically very guarded with their emotions, rendering them almost impossible to make any sort of headway in therapy. I used to think this was a sign someone was stronger — that they could ‘go it alone’.
But my belief now is asking for help is a sign of strength. It takes a strong person to admit when they need support from people. That’s because keeping your feelings completely to yourself is generally the hallmark of someone too insecure to allow others to see the chink in their armour. And allowing our flaws to be visible takes guts, and can be scary as hell.
That being said, some of you may have noticed my blog has been a bit, well…barren lately.
This is when I’ll admit the last three weeks of my life have been one big snowglobe, and someone keeps shaking it. Repeatedly. To the point where the little rubber stopper in the bottom of my little Snowglobe Life is about to come loose and let all the water and faux snow leak out all over everything.
I’m even starting to wonder if God is really Ashton Kutcher, and my life has turned into a bigger, more stressful version of Punk’d.
My real point isn’t a pity party – I’ve had a few of those the last 24 days (I’m not sure why they call them a ‘party’ – they’re not very fun). My real point is this incredibly stressful time has been somewhat of a gift for me. It’s reminded me I’m not an island.
We can’t handle all of life’s problems on our own without support from anyone. We need to admit when we’re about to break down from exhaustion and stress. And we need to let people help us when we need it.
Too often we try to lift the weight of the world – our world – on our own, and we let it crush us. Or at least really slow us down. With that in mind, I think the two stress-related quotes I’m now more apt to follow are below….
“The strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it. Whether he has an abscess on his knee or in his soul.” Rona Barrett
“When you can’t run, you crawl. And when you can’t crawl, when you can’t do that….you find someone to carry you.” Firefly (TV Show)
It’s tough…because I have control issues. I feel like I need to do everything and I have a really hard time letting things go and trusting others to take care of them. It’s something I’m working on, though!
I have a hard time asking for help….I just never want to admit I’m “weak”, which is realy stupid, I know…..
I’ve learned to ask for help. I used to try and do EVERYTHING on my own, but after practically losing my mind a few times, I now know I can’t do it all. Maybe if I were Wonder Woman like Susan’s picture I could, though! LOL
Exactly right!
I almost never ask for help, against better judgment might I add. It’s both good and bad… on the one hand, I have managed to prove to myself a couple of times I can get through almost anything on my own. On the other, I am often doubting it was worth it.
Great post, Ann. I also really enjoyed the quotes.
I always ask for help…but in the form of bitching. I complain and groan and grumble. That’s my way of asking for help…aren’t I irritating? lol.
I think I have given up trying to be impressive to people. I am not sure when that happened honestly but I am much better now. It’s all an act and pretention is so uncool. Maybe it’s a place you get to when you are older and don’t care as much I am not sure. Whatever it is I am happy I am there. I concentrate on being myself and the best me I can be and it’s been working out pretty well. Asking for help isn’t weak it’s pretty admirable. When my good friends call on me I think it’s a real honor especially one I hold in such high regard. I can only hope the friends that I pick to help me out feel the same way.
I’m the same way, Ann. I used to be ashamed of any and all emotions which were not
a) happy
b) rage
I’m sorry things aren’t going so well, but know you’ve got a lot of people rooting for you, and get help when you need it!
Wow, this was a really thought provoking post.
I think we could be sisters.
Seriously, I’ve always been the one to laugh it off, to make everyone else laugh. Humor has been a HUGE part of my personality.
I’ve been the listener for everyone else, while I felt someone alone with my thoughts and feelings because I chose not to share them for what ever reason.
I suppose I have no one to blame but myself. . .
In other words, I can relate.
I’m so glad I checked in here today. I’ve been thinking about you and I guess even worried about you too. I am happy to hear that you are asking for help and trusting your loved ones to be a rock when you can’t be. I too, struggle with being strong and together all the time but sometimes it just doesn’t happen. I hope you have that shoulder to cry on and count on. It may happen from time to time and you do need a friend that will be there for you. I’ll never forget when I just had a bad breakdown from work, motherhood stress and just a lot of personal things going on — my husband sat with me, hugged me and let me cry. The next day he gave me a copy of “Ever the Same” by Rob Thomas to remind me that sometimes you have let another person…. “Just let me hold you while we both fall apart…. Just let me hold you while we both fall down….Fall on me…. Tell me everything you want me to be…..Forever with you…. Forever with me…. Ever the same….” I hope you have that person who will be forever with you and hold you when you fall apart. In the mean time, we’re here and we’re glad you are brave enough (with sarcasm) to share your personal story with us.